Taking the ax to the guest list

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I had my first bride-to-be budget freakout last night at 1 in the morning.

See, the budget was going so swimmingly... We don't have to pay an officiant (going to the courthouse the day before) or pay for our venue (because we're having it at our friends' farm). We found a BBQ dinner caterer for $10 a head. For alcohol, we're saving by not serving champagne or liquor; the wine is $2.67 a bottle at Aldi, and a friend is hooking us up with a FREE refrigerated truck for our kegs. For cake, we're going to cut a small circle cake from my favorite bakery, then use big sheet cakes to serve everyone. We have minimal decorations planned (candles in Mason jars, fall leaves). No favors. No floral centerpieces. No extraneous stuff like aisle runners or chair covers. No DJ, just a computer playlist hooked up to some speakers (borrowed). Invitations are coming from Vistaprint, where I'm saving even more money by using a LivingSocial coupon. 

I was pretty proud of myself that I'd gotten the per person costs down to $26 apiece - not bad for dinner, appetizers, drinks, chair and table rental and invitations. A lot of wedding receptions cost two or three times that just for the dinner! However, even $26 a person really adds up when you have a 200+ guest list.... added to the fixed costs like the photography ($2,000), renting a tent, nice port-a-johns, patio heaters (because it'll be October), paying a bartender, etc. I started freaking out last night as I did my budget and saw that, even with my mom's generous help, my personal share of the wedding costs was creeping northwards of $7,000(!!!) - not including the dress alterations, the RINGS, the marriage license, or the honeymoon! That means I have to save at least $1,000 a month between now and then if I want to avoid dipping into credit card debt. This, when I am about to start grad school, and when J. is about to start a lower-paying job so he won't have to work second shift anymore. A grand a month is not happening. Hence my freak-out.

Thankfully, J. came right home after work to calm me down and look at our budget together. There were little tweaks made - saving $156 by not using the nice compostable plates and cutlery (I was trying to have a green wedding, oh well...), saving $250 by not having DIY veggie and cheese trays out before dinner (because really, people won't be starving at 4:30 p.m.). But it was clear that the only way we could save serious money is by cutting the guest list. If we can get it down to 150 from 223, we save $2,000, plus an extra $400 from not having to rent two tents!

THIS is painful. I have a lot of old friends I'm still close with, plus a lot of new friends I've made in this town. Lots of people on my original list have done me favors I want to repay - welcoming me into their group of friends when I was new and didn't know anybody here; inviting me to join boards and civic groups I'm still part of today; mentoring me and helping me get into grad school; supporting my and J's various nonprofit causes. Countless people who have had us at (or in) their weddings, and had us to their homes for dinner. The kind friend who was the only one to send us a hand-written note of congratulations on our engagement. The friend who, even though she's only in town a few times a year, offered to help with "anything" I need for the wedding. I hate to cut anyone. What if they're offended? What if they take it as a slap in the face, a declaration that we are not friends?

Yeah, it sucks, but I did it. Our combined families are 60 people. I got my friend list down to 50. He'll make his cuts today. Now I only have to save $450 a month until the wedding, and hopefully I can go back to being my laid-back self.