Ahead of schedule and under budget, w00t!

It was serendipitous... I found my dress just two weeks after he proposed. David's Bridal was having a fall clearance sale, so Mom and I didn't waste any time. Mad props to the salesgirl at the Durham store, by the way -- I told her my price limit, and she didn't try to pressure me into something more expensive. In fact, she found me the perfect dress way below budget! I was trying on the final dress of the day and loving the way it looked, when she dropped the bomb that it cost $99. Yes, you read that right. A two-digit number. I found my dream dress, and it's cheaper than the one I wore to prom.

This is not my dress:

This is not my dress either:

... Come on now, you don't honestly think I would post my actual dress on a public blog, where (gasp!) my fiance might see it? So, I can't show you what it looks like, but I can show you what it's definitely NOT: Not frouffy, not lacy, not ball gown-y. No veil. Not strapless -- I don't want to spend my wedding worrying that Ginger and Mary Ann are going to pop out and say hi. (Strapless dresses seem to be all the rage, judging from the David's Bridal inventory. Me, I just don't get it.) And it's not a bright toothpaste white, either, because that hue makes me look like a vampire (the corpse kind, not the sexy kind).

So, you'll just have use your imagination for the next 319 days until I can post the actual picture. Meanwhile, I also found my shoes ($40, thanks to a coupon) from DSW.com:

They're made by Rocket Dog. I have the low-heel version of this shoe in every color, and they're surprisingly comfy. So, in case the heels get ouchy, I'll have the same (shorter) version of this shoe with me to change into. Since it's an outdoor wedding, no stilettos or anything that'll sink into the ground (thank goodness!). Red is my absolute favorite color. In a happy coincidence, my shoes match my bridesmaids' dresses almost perfectly.

I also bought my jewelry already and am anxiously awaiting its arrival:

I hope this looks as good in person as it does on the website! I found this moonstone and silver set for $128 at novica.com, another pleasant budget surprise. (I had allotted myself $150 for jewelry, but took advantage of a Cyber Monday sale.) Plus, what I love about Novica (affiliated with National Geographic) is that the items are handmade by artisans in foreign countries, and this program gives them a living wage for practicing traditional art forms. This set comes from India. Moonstones are sacred to the Goddess and feminine energy, which seems very appropriate for the wedding. The hard part will be not wearing this set until October!

In summary... Dress? Check. Undergarments? Check. Shoes? Check. Jewelry? Hopefully check. Budget? Looking good. Especially since my awesome Mom paid for the first two items.

Wow. Just wow.

I am addicted to advice columns. Carolyn Hax, Dear Prudence, Miss Manners, even Hints from Heloise if I get bored. So, I was reading one of those the other day (I think it was Ms. Hax, though it may have been Miss Manners...), and saw a letter from a woman who had gone to a friend's wedding by herself, only to be stuck at a table making small talk with 9 strangers for a 10-course meal that lasted 7 hours. (Yes, that's what it said... seven. May be an exaggeration, but 10 courses does sound excessive and time-consuming.) By the time the meal was over and the dancing and mingling could begin, the letter writer was so tired that she went home.

Let's file this one under #thingsthatareNOTgoingtohappenatmywedding. One more reason to have a decidedly un-stuffy barbeque buffet...

Holy Iron Willpower, Batman!

Day 5 of my Buy Nothing Year, and this week has been the Big Purge. I deleted unread Cyber Monday emails from Victoria's Secret, Land's End, Old Navy, Express, Charlotte Russe, Overstock.com, Target, J. Crew, the list goes on. To the recycling pile went all my catalogs. And then, what do I get in the mail today but $15 in reward certificates from DSW shoes! Yeesh... 

But never fear, I have held strong. I pledged to give away the DSW discount to the first person who calls dibs on Facebook. I think the only Cyber Monday deal that really gave me pause and caused a minor moral struggle was from Rosetta Stone. I've been flirting with the idea of learning Spanish (would make our Costa Rican honeymoon easier...), and Rosetta Stone had their Level 1-5 set on sale for $399. (That sounds like a lot, but it's a steal compared to what it usually costs.) Part of me thought, hey, this isn't a material thing, so it's okay! You're bettering yourself, learning a new and useful language! Then I thought, no matter how I justify it, I'd still be spending $400(!) just a few days into my shopping purge. Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?

Some might think I'm starting this project at a crazy time. Why start a year of buying nothing when prices are at their lowest, when I have birthday checks coming in the mail soon? It's like starting a diet right before Thanksgiving.

Exactly! And that's the whole point. Now's a time when temptation is at its greatest. If I can get through the shopping season without opening my wallet, the rest of this year will be a breeze.

The Year of Buying Nothing

Today is Black Friday. This year, many of the stores opened at midnight - apparently 4 a.m. wasn't early enough. In L.A., a woman pepper-sprayed a crowd of fellow shoppers at a Walmart so she could get first dibs on the cheap electronics. Further north in Cali, one shopper got shot when he wouldn't give up his merchandise.


Sure, these are extreme examples of materialism gone amuck, but I'm still not a fan of the crass commercialism of the Christmas season. In recent years, I've tried to avoid the craziness altogether by observing Buy Nothing Day on Friday and then maybe celebrating Shop Local Day on Saturday. But this year, I'm taking it to the next level.

Today marks the start of my Year of Buying Nothing. ::cue dramatic music::

...Which is to say, of course, I'm still going to buy groceries and deodorant and cat food, and I'm still allowed to Christmas shop for other people. Wedding purchases are also kosher. But the point is that in order to save money for our wedding, I need to get serious about the silly frivolous purchases that eat up so much of my spare cash. I have to come up with $6,000 between now and next October. So, from now on, until I become a Mrs. (and hopefully for a while after), I hereby swear off all nonconsumable, unnecessary purchases for myself, including but not limited to clothing, shoes, jewelry, knick-knacks, kitchen gadgets, decorations, DVDs, books, and so on. These add up more than you might think. Mad props to my friend and super bridesmaid Eliza, who inspired me when she did a Year of Buying Nothing earlier. And she survived.


I chose to kick this off on Black Friday for symbolic reasons. The Man laughs and says my shopping strike won't last very long, but the doubt of others only strengthens my resolve. One day down, 364 to go...

Like a vaccine against Bridezilla-itis....

A wise co-worker offered me these words of advice that have become my wedding planning mantra:

"The only really important thing that HAS to happen that day is that you and Johnny walk down the aisle and say 'I do.' Everything else is just details."

I do love planning the details, though. (You should see my wedding budget spreadsheet.) When I was in third grade and wanted to be a teacher, I used to amuse myself by writing lesson plans. Honest to Jeebus. I was a sick child. Even now, I get an inordinate amount of joy from writing out my monthly budget and making grocery lists. I may be odd, but it definitely makes the planning process more fun!

The Place

(Click the pictures to make 'em bigger.)

The barn, stage and reception area. Oh, and a hot lumberjack.

View from the other side of the barn.

And, saving the best for last... Where we'll say "I DO!"

Living in the boonies, we have a lot of friends with farmland. Which is perfect, because I knew I wanted an outdoor wedding and reception. After all, we went hiking on our first date, and Johnny proposed on top of the same mountain. We don't go to church, so that was not an option, and having it in a country club or fellowship hall or some sterile event facility just didn't seem... us. When you rent a place, you have all these tiresome rules and expenses -- like a rental fee, a list of approved caterers, a far-too-early time for the party to end, etc...

Now, the naive Laid-Back Bride thought having an outdoor wedding would be super cheap-o... It IS cheaper in a lot of ways, because we don't have to pay a rental fee (thank you, kind farm-owning friends!), we can bring in outside food, and we don't need many decorations, because nothing can top Mother Nature's leaf-splosion. But then you have to factor in the cost of a tent ($800 and well-worth it, because no effing way am I tempting Fate like that); renting tables and chairs and tablecloths (close to $1,200... yeesh...); a golf cart to carry the old folks; plus fancy-schmancy port-a-johns with sinks to appease my mother. As for lighting, I'm going to hit up Kmart the day after Christmas and buy a shit-ton of 75%-off white string lights.

So, I still feel like we're saving cash versus formally renting a venue, but the main benefits are non-quantifiable. Like being able to have a bonfire. (I like fire.) And keeping the party going past 11 p.m. Plus, there's plenty of room for our young, broke and rowdy friends to camp at the bottom of the hill, thereby saving them money on hotel rooms AND greatly minimizing the chances some drunk dumbass will get behind the wheel of a car.

To bridesmaid or not to bridesmaid?

One of the first dilemmas the Laid-Back Bride faced was the question of bridesmaids. At first, she thought she just wouldn't have attendants at all. After all, Laid-Back Bride is not big on tradition. Also, she had a problem with the idea of having to pick a few of her "favorite friends" and then force them to drop a bunch of cash on clone outfits they will never wear again, matching shoes and getting their hair did.


Then, she spoke with her wise friend Eliza, who pointed out that bridesmaids aren't necessarily your "favorite friends" at the expense of all others. "Think about it - when it's your wedding day and you're getting ready, who do you want by your side?" Eliza said. "Even if you don't have bridesmaids, you're going to want a handful of friends there to help you."


That was a compelling argument, but what really sold me was when she said that back in the olden days, bridesmaids were like armed guards who protected the bride from thieves and ne'er-do-wells as she traveled through the woods or wherever to the village of her intended. Apochryphal? Maybe, but it still sounds pretty badass. That settled it for me.

Bridesmaids? Or armed ninja assassins?

So, I'll have a few bridesmaids, but no maid of honor. Do I really need one? Naw. Do they all need to match? Pshaw. All I've done is select a color ("apple" at David's Bridal) and told them to pick whatever style looks good on them. Even better, David's Bridal has a bunch of dresses on sale for $99. As for shoes, it's an outdoor wedding, so no uncomfortable stilettos that'll sink into the ground anyway. They can wear flip-flops for all I care. Two years from now, will anyone remember what was on our feet?

Meet the Laid-Back Bride

Some little girls start dreaming about their Big Day at age 5. Maybe it was growing up with divorced parents that affected my worldview, but I was never one of those little girls.

I am 27, and in that time of life when my mailbox is flush with wedding invitations. By now, I've seen more weddings than I can count. Fun weddings and stuffy weddings. Super-religious and super-not. Ceremonies that last 20 minutes and wedding masses that last an hour and a half. Cash bars, open bars, no bars. Weddings that looked like they'd been thrown together the day before, and some that must've cost more than the GDP of Luxembourg.

So by the time Johnny proposed in September, nearly four years after we met, I had a pretty good idea of what I like and don't like. I dove gleefully into the planning. I was giddy as I bought my first bridal magazine. Then, I got a little less giddy as I started budgeting and doing the guest list. I had no idea we have so many friends until I started counting them all up.

A survey by The Knot found that the average wedding today costs $27,800(!!!). Seeing as that's more than I made in an entire year, not that many years ago, it seems obscene to me to spend that kind of money on one day. To put it a different way, that's more than all five (yes, five...) years at a public in-state university cost me. Even if we could afford to spend that much (which we most decidedly cannot), I couldn't fathom justifying that cost. That's like a new car. Or five trips to Machu Picchu (the top destination on my bucket list). Or, think of the totally baller honeymoon we could have if we just eloped and spent that money on travel...

As I started to read my new bridal magazine, it was like all the brides lived on a different (and very expensive) planet with weird and seemingly pointless rules for everything. Under a piece called "Biggest splurges," one anonymous bride cluelessly gushed:

"Our budget was limited, so purchasing my $7,000 Monique Lhullier gown was completely crazy! That's a little over half the price of the wedding reception."

Half the price of the wedding reception?!?!? Ye gods! If that's the kind of cash it takes to get married these days, no thank you.

So, this blog is my journey towards a sane, practical, affordable and, most importantly, FUN wedding day next October 20. My goal is to get there without going into debt, going broke or going insane. My family has very generously and graciously stepped in to split the costs with me, which will make everything easier, but I still need to save my shekels to cover my share. My vision is to have a laid-back, hippie, outdoor, nonreligious wedding that turns into a big, fun field party. Nothing too stuffy, no frou-frou shizzle. Not taking ourselves too seriously. A short ceremony and an open bar reception. We're celebrating the start of our new life together, so let's throw one helluva party!